Comment Wall
Link to the blog.
Introduction to Carl
My name is Carl and I have come to OU all the way from Alpharetta, Georgia. This is my fifth year here in Norman and I plan on walking across the graduation stage this upcoming May. I am a Letters major and have furthered my love of reading, writing and history here in the past few years. One thing that has really developed in me here as a result of my studies is an interest in philosophy and the history of it. While the amount of history someone can learn is, of course, infinite, it seems that in my college education there has been a lot of overlap. I am in my fifth semester of Latin and, as a result, have gathered a hefty amount of information surrounding the history of Rome. This semester, as I take classes such as Dr. Harper's Origins of Christianity, I have been shocked at the amount of relevance this Roman information has alongside other courses. Already this semester we have learned about Herod and his Roman installation as a client-king. It is wildly interesting to me to be
Hi Carl,
ReplyDeleteIt was so much fun to read through the beginnings of your portfolio project website. In my opinion, you are truly off to a great start. I loved the image that you chose on your opening page. It does a great job of grabbing your reader’s attention. It would be helpful to add a description to your first page as well before we jump right into your introduction story. Perhaps even just a list of story titles would be nice on the first page. Other than that, your first page looks great so far. Your first story was so much fun to read. What if you made the title appear in the banner where it currently says “Story One”? that might be a quick and easy way to provide some clarity to your readers. I loved the image that you chose to include with your first story. The story was also very well written.
-Andy
Hey, Carl!
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I love your choice to do a portfolio. I've got a soft spot in my heart for frame tales because of the sheer variety of thematic material they let you incorporate and it looks like you're planning to do just that! The idea of basing it around correspondence between Cicero and Diogenes provides a nice structure around which you can build the project however you like.
Your writing is also nicely done: grammar and syntax aren't a problem and you've formatted the dialogue in a way that's easy to follow and comprehend. If you're ever looking to beef the story up a little bit, you might even add some more dialogue -- maybe the disciples are shooting the breeze or discussing the fisherman as they watch.
If you're intending for the portfolio to come across as a collection of writings, maybe you could play with the background and visual features of the site to make it look like journal pages or a handwriting font. I think that would help the immersion for your readers -- if it's the effect you're going for, of course!
I'm looking forward to reading more!
Hey Carl!
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed the parable you've written here. The first paragraph, though, was kind of confusing to me at first. Characters felt introduced randomly, and the sentences felt disjoint and short. I think the moral you provide is fantastic, and it comes through really well. I think a bit of polishing on the transitions and flow between the sentences would make it flow more easily, and aide in readability. As well, I wasn't sure who the disciples were until Jesus entered the picture - maybe some sort of distinction or introduction to them would help distinguish them. I really liked the imagery you used in the story. It felt as though I was on the beach myself, watching the fisherman in the striking heat. If you keep that level of detail up, you'll definitely have a good series of fantastic stories by the end of the class. I hope to read more of your stories in the future!
Hey Carl,
ReplyDeleteI love your homepage for your portfolio! I think the image is different but also fitting a theme that you want to present to the reader. The descriptors you used in your first story was really great! I could feel the sun on me while I was reading about the fisherman. I also love your use of dialogue here! It helped me understand who the characters really were.
Good first portfolio post! I think you are off to a great start and can't wait to see more from you!
Hello, Carl!
ReplyDeleteI think you are off to a good start with your Portfolio so far! I really liked your approach with story one. So far, I have seen a wide variety of different stories. Some people chose to go with more of a fantasy route or fiction stories, but I like how your story seems to be a bit more realistic. I also like how there was a clear message that was conveyed at the end of the story.
While I appreciate how you focuses on the disciples and their perspective, I wonder what the fisherman was thinking. After all, I am fairly certain that he would have noticed the disciples if they were watching him all day. I would like it if you gave us some insight about what the fisherman was thinking and/or a bit of a backstory for him. Also, I am not going to lie, I had no idea who the disciples were in the beginning of the story so I was a little lost. Other than that, you have a good thing going here!
Hi Carl!
ReplyDeleteI got a chance to read your portfolio. I'm not really familiar with Diogenes and Cicero, so I'm not entirely sure what your portfolio is themed around, but the website looks very classic and interesting! I think you could maybe benefit from making your description on the home page of your portfolio more specific and detailed, since right now it seems very vague and I'm not really sure what your theme/focus is.
The very beginning of your first story is kind of confusing (that time?), but after the first couple paragraphs I had a much better sense of what was going on. I think the character of the one-handed fisherman is really interesting, and I liked that you took the liberty to edit the meaning/lesson from the story. I think I got a slightly different meaning than the one you explained in your author's note, though, since to me it seemed like Jesus was talking to Peter about his attitude towards spreading the gospel? It's kind of neat that you left the story open to people's interpretations, and only explained your interpretation in the author's note! I'm interested to see what you do with the rest of your portfolio!
Hi Carl!
ReplyDeleteI love the color scheme of your portfolio! I think having the banner picture at the bottom again is a cool idea, because in the banner it sets the mood for the story, and then we get to see it in detail at the end.
I wonder about the setting a little bit - what beach? What is it like there? Some visual description would fit well in this story if you wanted to include it. Also, I would like to know more about Jesus and the disciples. Why were they shocked that he took the perspective he did?
Finally, it would be cool if you expanded a little bit on what you are getting at with the Cicero and Diogenes theme. I'm not familiar with those characters and it might be helpful to include a paragraph explaining the idea on the homepage.
Hi Carl
ReplyDeleteI really liked the message you chose to spotlight! I think it's cool that you took a little creative liberty and pulled a message from the teachings of Mark instead of the exact message from the original story. I also like that you made it so clear and direct. I think this is a great lesson that people should pay attention to.
I wonder what happened after Jesus spoke? Perhaps the disciples learned their lesson and spread the word?
Your first sentence: "It was around that time that they arrived at the coast." I'm assuming you are mimicking the style of the original story, and it does seem like the kind of sentence that a Bible chapter would start with, but I'm just not sure if it is the best way to begin your story. Don't get me wrong, I like it, and it does remind the reader of the writings of the Bible, I just think you might could write a stronger first sentence. Could you maybe find a way to say the same thing, just with a little more detail? Perhaps, "the sun was rising when they arrived.." or maybe just "it was morning and the disciples arrived at the coast." Or does that defeat the entire purpose of leaving the time out of the sentence? Just my questions/comments, but as the author, you know best!
Hi Carl,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your story. Especially because it was about the Bible. I also read the Gospel of Mark during the Biblical unit. It was very interesting how you decided to retell the story. The part that was most interesting was how you took the individual message from that passage, then altered the story line to follow along with the theme of the rest of Mark.
Your author note is very effective at explaining your individual variations from the original plot. The only thing I might add is a brief summary of how the original went. For many who did not read the original, it isn't quite clear how it went. You did great at explaining why you changed it and the meaning behind your version, but missed the summary of the original version.
All in all it was a great story, and very hard to find a critique for. Great work!
Good luck,
Brady
Carl,
ReplyDeleteGreat start to your portfolio! I loved your first story so much, it was super well written and totally in the parable style that many of us are familiar with. The dialogue flowed super smoothly, and I think this portion is where the reader feels most immersed. You did a fantastic job characterizing everybody just by their actions! From other peoples' observations of the one-handed man, the reader can infer a lot about his character and work ethic.
I wonder how Story Two could be broken up to be a bit more reader-friendly. This could be just as simple as breaking it up into two or three smaller paragraphs instead of just one, since a huge block of text like that can be kind of easy to get lost in. I liked this story a lot, too! What if you continued this one a little bit? It didn't feel quite as conclusive as your first one, and I was left wanting more. This is also a result of your writing style, which is quite narrative and flows super smoothly. Great start! I can't wait to read the rest of your chapters in the future.
-Moriah C.
Carl,
ReplyDeleteI just read the second story on your portfolio! I have to say, your descriptive writing ability is quite good. I was able to put myself in the shoes of the protagonist and imagine the creaky, crumbling ship around him. Reaching the end of your story left me sad and wanting to read more! It's not often that stories and blog posts from our peers in this class grab my attention in such a way. I wonder: do you have prior experience writing like this? Do you plan to build off what you've created in your second story? I'll be checking back later to see what you come up with!
Overall, there are two main things I'd recommend doing. First is breaking up your second story into separate paragraphs. This would help readability and give the reader the idea that there's more to chew on. The second recommendation would be centering your images on your different pages on the site, with the caption right below it. This produces a more aesthetic effect, in my opinion, and I think your site would benefit from it.
Best of luck!
-Lance J.
Hey Carl,
ReplyDeleteI want to first say that I really enjoyed reading your two stories. You most certainly are a great writer and I can tell you truly enjoy doing this. Additionally, I think that if you would make some minor changes to some of your header photos it would make the site look a lot smoother. I think if you click the little box below the photos it will give you the option to do this. I also think that it would help if you put the title on the top of the page where people click which story to read. It may make navigation a little bit easier rather than just having "Story 1" up there.
I really enjoyed how descriptive you were with your writing. It helped me a lot as I was able to mentally picture the stories much better. I loved this reading in Mark, and I felt like you did a great job retelling it in your first story.
Carl
ReplyDeleteI really liked your website overall although I couldn't find your comment wall. Story one was well written and it held my attention. I could easily believe it was really from the Bible. You kept to the theme and voice of the Bible really well. There were a few awkward sentences that I think you might notice quickly if you read it out loud. One sentence that particularly caught my attention was, “they had been so perplexed by the fisherman and wavering in the sun that they had not made camp”. I think I understand what you are trying to say but I am not sure. Besides a quick read through, I think it is great!
As for your second story, I think it would help if you broke it up into smaller paragraphs with maybe even spaces in between them to help the reader keep their place. I got a bit lost in the jumble. However, as far as the writing goes, I really liked it. I also read Sinbad and wrote a story on the reading and it was fun to see how differently the retellings can be. I loved how you made it more matter of fact and in-depth. The original is much more vague about details. There were a couple of times you repeated a word more than necessary but again, I think a quick reread will soon straighten that out. Finally, I love the photo you chose. It felt very “Kidnapped” by Robert Louis Stevenson, which is about a shipwreck and perfectly ties into the feeling of the story.
Great job so far and I can’t wait to see what’s next!
Hi Carl,
ReplyDeleteThe way you found new ways to get more interesting perspectives of stories was nice to see. Most retold stories are told with the same setup and point of view, and I like how you refocused what your stories were about. The choice of images you chose for each story were nicely chosen. The first story you told about the disciples was a clever way to get your point across. They had a simple task, but they were in such awe of the fisherman that they just ended up doing nothing. You did a really great job on explaining why this was their choice of action. Was Jesus's attempt at pointing out their waste of time effective? Did his patience with them pay off? I wonder what the disciples' response was when they were asked to think of their actions. Your storytelling style is solid, and I am looking forward to the new takes you have on future stories!
Hey, Carl!
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I really enjoyed reading your first story about the one-handed fisherman. I like how you really made the story your own and how you show Jesus' lesson for the disciples, that if they worked as hard as the one-handed man, think of how much they could accomplish with their two hands. I think that is an important and valuable lesson! I also liked how you showed the disciples relaxing and not really taking care of business while they watched a man fish with one hand all day long! I like your writing style and am excited to see what else you will write!
Just a few minor things: I think your stories would benefit from having a title, not just being called "Story One", etc. The titles will give readers a taste of what the story is about and make your website look more interesting, drawing readers into your beautiful stories! Also, at the very end, it says "most of fish were gone" but I think it should say "most of the fish were gone". These are just minor things and I really like what you have done with this porject so far!
Great work and I look forward to seeing how your project progresses throughout the semester!
Hi Carl,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your story. I thought it was very creative and suspenseful. I suggest creating titles for your stories. I think that by adding a title it will add more to your overall portfolio. I also think that it would be helpful to include more detail on what exactly happened with the ship. I get that you are trying to create suspense by not including much detail with what happened with the sailor, but I think that the cliff hanger at the end of the story is all you need. I suggest incorporating more detail about the ship and the storm. I also think it would add to your story if you gave the sailor a name. Overall, I thought you did a great job with your story. I loved that your story was inspired by the series of Sindbad’s Voyages. I also loved your writing style.
Hi Carl!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your stories! You have such a unique talent for writing and have such an interesting way of wording things. Well done! It really allows the audience to put themselves into the place of the character and go along on the journey with them. The characterization in each character is very evident. I can tell you take a lot of time to think about your stories and characters before you start writing. It definitely pays off. I also love that your homepage is quite simple. Have you every thought about giving your stories a name? I think it would be another great way to personalize them and make them feel as if they're your own. Also, it might help others reading them to remember which stories they have read and which they haven't after visiting your portfolio week after week. Fantastic job on your stories and I cannot wait to visit back in a couple of week and see what else you have added!
Lauryn McCardell
Hey Carl!
ReplyDeleteI was a really big fan of your stories! Your penchant for writing is really something special and your word choice is really cool and engaging! I feel like your descriptions allow a reader to fully immerse themselves in the story and experience it as a spectator. Your development of settings and characters is really great and connects the reader to them very well, and that's often tough to do in a short story. I really cannot wait to hopefully read more of your awesome stories and see the portfolio's progress unfold. I think if you gave your website design and layout a little more attention, that would make your portfolio get to an even higher level of effectiveness. Keep doing great things!
Hi Carl,
ReplyDeleteSince the focus this week is on images I thought I would start there. Your banner image was my least favorite only because I don't know much about Cicero so I didn't see how it connected. I wish you had given a little more background into Diogenes and Cicero and their actual relationship since I don't know much about it. I loved your image in the first story. The picture really encapsulated your story. Speaking of the story, I really loved it. It read just like an actual parable from the bible and had such a good message. The writing style was really good too and brought you into the story. In your second story I like the picture of Sinbad. I also liked the story itself. I wish that you had maybe broken the story up into more than one paragraph just for enjoyment when reading the story. I also thought all of your author's notes did a good job of explaining what you were doing in each of your stories.
Hey Carl!
ReplyDeleteThis is my second time to read through your stories and look into how your project is coming! I really enjoyed the first story in the portfolio, and I was glad to read the second. As for the layout of your site, I think you have a great start! One suggestion I would make is to add in the link to your comment wall on at least the intro page, but honestly I would add the link to all of the pages just to make it easier for the user to navigate the site. Beyond that, I think things look great! I like how you have a different header picture for every story, It’s a nice touch.
As for the content of the second story it looks great!
This was my first time to read anything about the legend of Sinbad, and I really enjoyed it. You did well to keep the original themes, but at the same time make it your own.
Best,
- JD
Hi Carl!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your second story. I have always gravitated towards nautical fiction and your short story fits the bill. If you ever want a quick, yet delightful read, I highly recommend "The Old Man and the Sea" by Ernest Hemingway. Much like Hemingway, you wrote your story using a very economic style while still providing excellent imagery. I wasn't a huge fan of your actual image, however. The etching is great, but I feel you could have chosen a scene that better represents the situation your captain is in, such as a tall ship in the middle of treacherous waves or just the ominous storm itself; an image to match the dramatic scene you painted with your words. The story itself is amazing and extremely well done. I'm sure I'll be back to read your next story.
Hey Carl,
ReplyDeleteThis is my second time getting to visit your storybook project, and I am still impressed by how polished and great it looks and reads! The website really adds to the reader experience by creating an atmosphere in which the reader feels a sense of continuity of the theme and the ideas expressed in the story through the images, the layout, and the color palette. The stories are also wonderful in the way that they express the world through your details and word choice. I wish that you had maybe broken the story up into more than one paragraph just for enjoyment when reading the story. I also thought all of your author's notes did a good job of explaining what you were doing in each of your stories and revealing your thought processes when crafting each story. All in all, you did incredibly well and I am excited to see the full thing at the end of the year.
Hi Carl,
ReplyDeleteLet me just start off by saying that your portfolio looks fantastic. Off the top of my head, there are a couple of things that I would like to recommend. First, rather than having the stories title by number, I would give them a name. I think a name attracts the reader's attention better. You did name your third story, but the navigation does not reflect the name. Talking about the third story, I think is out of place. Not that placement really matters in a portfolio in the first place. I would also recommend putting your comment wall link as a footer so that it is accessible from every story in your project. I did not see a link to your comment wall in the project. Your writing is really good. I enjoyed the stories; I liked the one about Asus and Ligh. Anyways, good luck on the finals!
Hey Carl! I just read "Asus and Ligh" and I really enjoyed it. Firstly, the page was simple yet clean. I liked the banner image you chose to set the initial mood. I also thought your paragraphs were framed decently well on the page and the spacers between the two paragraphs to indicate a remarkable passage of time was a nice touch. Secondly, the content of your was written excellently. I like how you chose to write using a traditional folk style and focused on the plot rather than dialogue. I feel that you did such a good job, that even though there is little dialogue, the reader is still able to easily infer the traits of the characters. Great work! I hope I have the opportunity to read the next two or three parts to this story.
ReplyDeleteHey Carl,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your portfolio. It's quite an interesting story between Asus and Lugh. I noticed in your author's note that you were really trying to avoid character development, but you were trying instead to just tell the story and focus on a plot. I think you did that really well. It is obvious in hindsight that your goal was to avoid the character development. I also like that you were trying to tell one continuous story rather than a couple unrelated stories. I did the same sort of thing in my storybook, and I thought it turned out well. My only advice for you would be to look at the navigation tabs at the top right hand corner of the site. Your stories are not in order from the viewers point of view. Just straighten those out and you'll be in great shape!
Nice job,
Brady
Hi Carl! I read each of your stories and they were all a joy to read. I am from the Indian Epics course so I haven't read the source material for your tales, but from your Author's note I could figure out what was supposed to happen roughly. It seems like you were clearly inspired by the original works in your own writing, which is a good sign. I think my favorite of your three stories was "Asus and Ligh." It had a lot of detail in it that I think really added to the story overall, but it also had a fascinating premise with some mystery surrounding Asus and her abilities. I looked into the source work for this particular story and I can definitely see the inspiration, but I can also clearly see you went your own way with the theme. I think it actually worked out better in your case than it did in the tale with Merlin. Your project website is also neat and looks clean, so good job!
ReplyDeleteHi there Carl!
ReplyDeleteI thought that your portfolio was such a great read! Really great job collecting these stories that you've worked on all semester. I thought your story titles do a really good job of drawing the reader in and showing them where the story is going without giving away key details. I wasn't really familiar with the source material for your stories, so I appreciated having the Author’s Notes to read so that I had some context to understand what you created and where you drew your inspiration from. I can tell you worked really hard on this throughout the semester. The website layout is really clean and brings the reader to focus on the story in a really engaging way. I also enjoyed the banner images and other stylistic choices you made in designing your website for your portfolio.
Great job, and have an amazing summer!
-Kate